Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

And so it was, in the days of Sue's summer of '05 jaunt to the great state of Pennsylvania, that there was great feasting and joyous merrymaking as mutants summited across the length and breadth of the land. The fatted calf was fondued, pizza was consumed, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was verily watched, dissected and discussed in exacting - if illegible - detail by two of the great sages of Mutantdom. Alas, the handwriting therof was naughty in the sight of its creators and for many months, those words of wisdom were lost to us.

Until now.

The ancient manuscripts of that long ago time have been unearthed and the finest minds of our generation(s) have been brought forth in an attempt to translate, transcribe and share with you - the public - the full disclosure of Lissa and Sue's (and Spawn of Mutant2's) great voyage into the Potterverse.

Many Bothans died to bring you this information. Read if ye dare.

Lissa: I’m not even going to say what Harry practicing “lumos maxima” is supposedly a metaphor for.
Sue: (Glancing warily at Spawn #2) No. Thank you. (Dodged a bullet there, she thinks to herself.)
Spawn #2: (Utterly oblivious) The blanket didn’t help. Hey — isn’t he not allowed to use magic?
Lissa: I was just thinking the same thing.

Sue: Notice how a lot of dogs really do look like their owners?

Sue: (Written notation) Lissa is totally flipping out over Aunt Petunia's assertion that James Potter was unemployed. "We DON'T KNOW!" she asserts.

Lissa: They really did streamline the beginning very, very well. And Dan Radcliffe has gotten a lot better. Oh, interesting thought here. J.K. Rowling says that there’s one character that’s not a witch-slash-wizard that will manage to do magic late in life under desperate circumstances. Now, the popular fan theory is Petunia, and that Petunia was always jealous of Lily being a witch. What if that’s not really Harry blowing up his aunt, but Petunia, because she’s offended about how Marge is talking about her sister? (Although, apparently the Ministry of Magic KNOWS it’s Harry, so that kind of shoots my own theory in the foot, doesn’t it? And since we did this viewing, JKR has said that Petunia won't be showing any signs of magic. Kiss that theory goodbye!)

Sue: Lissa's musings aside, the adults in the room all agree that Harry has finally grown himself a pair. No more kowtowing to the relations.

Spawn #2: I wonder why Aunt Marge's pantyhose didn't rip?
Lissa: They did develop runs.
Spawn #2: Oh yeah.

Spawn #2: How high will she go before she pops?
Sue: (Written notation): Is my kid mutant material or what?

Lissa: It got dark quick, and it rained.
Sue: Wet pavement looks more…
Lissa: Dramatic?
Sue: Yes.
Lissa: (Written notation) I only put in the above exchange because it’s not often I get to come up with the synonyms, given Sue’s vocabulary.
Sue: (Written notation:) :P

Sue: Nice chandelier. Don’t you wish you had one of those in your foyer?
Lissa: Um, no. Where did the head come from?
Sue: Justin has shrunken heads, too.
Lissa: That doesn’t mean they should be in Prisoner of Azkaban.

Lissa: Where did the cat come from? It’s like some strange homage to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Sue: Y’know, Tom at the Leaky Cauldron is kind of like Vanna White there.

Sue: Counting the posters of screaming Sirius would make a nifty, but lethal, drinking game.

Spawn #2: Every time I see the book, I jump.
Lissa: Great. J.K. Rowling got an entire generation of kids reading, and Alfonso Cuaron will get them all to stop.

Lissa: I really want to know if Lupin (sighs for many reasons) was asleep through the whole scene, or if he was faking it. He's pretty much a passive-aggressive bastard, really, so I wouldn't put it past him at all.

Sue: What was with the soul sucking face thing? That's just weird.

Lissa: I do have such a thing for Lupin.
Sue: Me too.

Sue: What does an out-of-work Ring Wraith do? Take a job as a dementor.

Sue: Hey, how come Lupin doesn't have to say Expecto Patronum?
Lissa: (written well after the fact.) Half Blood Prince sure answered that one, huh?

Lissa or Sue: (I can't tell which, but it doesn't matter. We both agree.) No. Definitely no Jude Law playing Lupin. (insert argument about whether or not Ewan McGregor could have played Lupin.)

Sue: (Written notation): I made the nearly fatal mistake of saying Jude Law could have played Lupin. Lissa came halfway out of her chair shrieking at me. Mommy, I'm scared!
Lissa: (written response) I'm sorry, but NO. Jude Law is WRONG for Lupin. I've never seen Jude Law play a character without a major chip on his shoulder. Lupin is so self-deprecating it goes beyond the pale. It would not have worked at all. He could have managed Lupin's confidence, but not the paradoxical self-hatred that's present in the character. David Thewlis might not look how I imagine Lupin (and that mustache! UGH!), but he played him very well.

Lissa: Hee. I love Snape's reaction at the feast to Lupin's appointment. Two claps and that's it, in total Alan Rickman style.

Trelawny: "Your aura is pulsing, dear."
Sue: That's not something you want to tell a teenaged boy.

Hermione: I think they're funny.
Lissa: No! No you don't think Hagrid's books are funny! You think Hagrid is a terrible teacher and the only thing that keeps you from saying so is that Harry and Ron would kill you! Argh! You are not a Pink Power Ranger!
(Sue and Spawn #2 exchange worried glances.)

Hagrid: You're supposed to stroke it!
Lissa: There are so many ways-
Sue: Lis-sa!!!
Lissa: -that I won't finish that sentence.

Sue: I had a horse that could do that. Well, not fly and stuff, but she could bow.
Lissa (and anyone else who's ever seen Titanic and thinks they're witty): I'm king of the world! There's just no way you can see that shot and not think that.

Lissa: Lupin has SUCH an inner twelve-year-old. Dressing Snape in drag. Hee.

Lissa: (Regarding Neville's boggart) Neville - the classic passive aggressive.

Sue: Hey, Lupin said he interfered because he thought Harry's boggart would turn into Voldemort, but it was already a dementor when he stepped in! What gives?

Lissa: Could we be a little more obvious it's a full moon?

Lissa: Something that bothered me about the costuming of Lupin - no patches. But then, on the other hand, you'd think a wizard could mend his clothes without patches.

Lissa: The bridge scene! NOOOOO! (For detailed explanations of my outrage, please see my review.)
Sue: (Written notation) Lissa just razzberried the bridge scene! Silly Lissa.

Sue: (Written notation) I have to admit, watching this movie with Liss is quite the education.

Sue: Page three hundred and ninety-four. Or die.

Spawn #2: None of the characters are attractive because they all have really big noses.
Sue: (Written Notation) This is the difference between Liss and Spawn#2. Lissa notice the nitpicky details like why the moon is full on a date when the moon actually wasn't full. Spawn#2 notices noses.
Lissa: Actually, what's scary is there are people who've looked up the full moon chart and realized that in 1993, the moon wasn't full on Christmas Eve or Christmas day. This has evolved into a huge theory that Lupin is somehow evil, when the real explanation is Rowling didn't think people would be big enough geeks to check the moon charts. (For the record, I didn't.)

Lissa: There is NO E in Moony!!!!

Sue: Why can't Fudge, McGonagall, etc. hear Harry doing his Darth Vadar respirator impersonation? Invisibility cloak or not?

Sue: Hagrid is not only perfectly cast, but throws a mean skipping stone.

Spawn #2: Robby Coltrane is a better emotional actor than Daniel Radcliffe.
(Note: Yes, she really said that.)

Lissa: Did Trelawny have a crush on Lupin? Seriously. She never comes to dinner normally, and she shows up all dressed up in spangles. Wouldn't surprise me.

Sue: (Written notation) Emma Thompson rocks - especially when she channels Voldemort and gets a hairball in the same scene!

Spawn #2: When Hermione punches Malfoy, he also smacks the back of his head against the rock.

Sue: What's up with Pettigrew's Insta-clothes? And doesn't he smell just a little... er... gamey?

Lissa: (written now, later.) Okay, so we got tired around the Shrieking Shack scene, and the Viewing kind of ends there. But both Sue and I were notably squealing and grinning over Alfonso Cuaron's interpretation of Black and Lupin. We restrained ourselves because Spawn#2 was in the room, but it just made us both very, very happy. Sure, it's not the canon interpretation. Shut up. We don't care. Sue: (written now, later) For the record, I did not squeal. Grin, yes. Squeal, no. I do not sqeal. But I concur with the honorable delegate from Pennsylvania. That hug between Sirius and Lupin was a dead giveaway. Yes indeed.

Lissa: (written notation) Would it have killed them to explain that James's Animagus form was a stag? I'm sorry, but it really lessens the emotional impact of Harry's Patronus if you don't know that.

Lissa: We need a laptop computer so we can do this in much quicker time.
Sue: Or if not quicker, at least legibly.